Top 10 Reasons It Might Be Time To Leave Paris

10. My roots are so overgrown that I make Britney Spears look classy.

9. It feels like a hippopotamus has been using my feet for chew toys.

8. It looks like a hippopotamus has been using my feet for chew toys.

7. It's no fun being without a toilet for three days.

6. I'm craving an ice-cold beer.

5. I need to find a job so I can pay for my eensy weensy Louboutin purchases.

4. I miss my morning bowl of coffee.

3. The novelty of dodging cars, motorcycles and busses has worn off.

2. Taking pictures of my husband in his underwear while he is sleeping is now the most interesting thing I can find to do.

1. I miss my kids and doggies...